Where's the Merry?

Last night I couldn't sleep.  I tossed and turned looking at the clock with eerie precision.  12:30. 1:30. 2:45. 4:45. Slowly closing the gap between sleep and the alarm.

My thoughts were consumed with Christmas.  With exam week, a funky schedule lies ahead and  I was feeling the crunch.  So much left to do.  Presents to buys, presents to wrap, etc..  And then my thoughts turned to Sandy Hook.

In a week, while Christmas music fills the air, we will be greeting each other with hugs, smiles and the exuberant MERRY CHRISTMAS! while Sandy Hook families will still be suffering.  Mothers and Fathers looking at presents under the tree that their children will never open.  At a time when we try so hard to be merry and bright and renew our faith, they will be struggling to see the light.

How do you find the Merry when so many people are in pain and massive attacks are on the rise?  How do we continue the 'norm' for our children when the reality 'here today, gone tomorrow' is so fresh in our minds?  We want to cherish every moment.  Fully. Completely.  With no regrets but how can we with such heavy hearts?

Christmas can be so misunderstood too.  You get caught up in the marketing aspect of it and pretty soon it IS about the gifts and not about 'sweet baby Jesus'.  Children compare their presents.  Some children ecstatic, some children disappointed because they didn't get exactly what they wanted or, a friend got the 'better' toy.  Do you give your child everything they ask for?  Do you hold back so that they can save money and buy something on their own?  How do you balance the true meaning and the retail meaning?

As most of our friends know, we are not regular church goers.  I take religion very personally and try very hard to enjoy the simplest pleasures that God has given us.  I have a quiet faith I guess you could say and I try to pass that along to my children.  At Christmas, we try to fill the season with traditions, family, food and friends and try to appreciate each other a little more.  Is that the true meaning?  Am I giving my kids enough of the true meaning?

As we reflect on this tragedy in Connecticut, we will all celebrate, whether we know it or not, a little bit differently this year.  We will take the true meaning of Christmas more seriously.  Whether that means going to more church services, saying more prayers throughout the day, hugging each other a little more often and a little tighter or, helping those in need.  We will continue to search for our purpose in life. What and how God wants us to live.  For some, this will be easy and for others, it will be a struggle but, we will all try a little harder.

Is this the true meaning?  Maybe, maybe not.  But it is something to think about.

I think I will ponder this a little more on the way to the mall. Not to flip back to the retail meaning so quickly but, for some reason, I DO feel the need to spoil my kids this year.  We are very fortunate to have each other and giving that love in the form of hugs AND with a few more boxes, doesn't feel like such a bad thing this year.